We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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