When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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