I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
