he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
