my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
