i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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