also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
