fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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