I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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