Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
