Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
