It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
