even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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