I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize