Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
