There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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