hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
