Need sex. Gaining weight.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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