you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
