It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
