i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You ruined the universe
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
