Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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