I'm really into asian looking animals
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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