At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
