Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I want a musical about memes.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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