My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
