I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
