So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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