I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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