we have officially lost it.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
