We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
