He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
