I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
