their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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