Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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