You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
