last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
