Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
