i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
