I hate all girls vehemently.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
