So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
