the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
