Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
