I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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