Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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