Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
