You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
