I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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