I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
