You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
