tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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