using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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