Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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