Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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