and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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