Me. At least after what I've been through.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
