Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
