Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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