She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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