Swine flu. Run for my life!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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