My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
