Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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