Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
