no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
