marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
