I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
