Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
