Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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