I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
